Employment: What is it good for? Absolutely Nothin! Say it again!
Hold on one second. If you didn't read that header to the tune of Edwin Star's classic "War," go back and read it again, inserting all the necessary gutturations and maybe even a "good God, y'all" if you're really feeling it.
There you go. Much better.
Anywho, apparently Heather disagrees with my premise here, because in the last five days she has secured teaching positions at two, count 'em, two different centers for Costa Ricas who can't speak English good and want to do other things good too. The first one is at a local private university (which technically makes her a profesora), and the other is at a language institute that specializes in teaching English. Who knows, maybe she can teach me a thing or two about this so-called English language that I've heard so much about. (Lindsay and Jenn just had the same reaction: "Too little, too late for you, Heitner.")
And because nothing interesting has gone on in my life the past few days, here is an outlandish claim that I can't really back up at all: I'm pretty sure I could play professional basketball down here. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Isn't Matt like 4 feet tall?" (No, jerk, I'm 5-foot-7 and proud of it) and "When was the last time Matt even played basketball?" (OK, you got me on that one--my game's a little rusty). Still. I went to a first-division game down here a few days ago to watch the cream of the crop play, and those guys were terrible. Let me spell it out for you: t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e. Terrible. Air balls, turnovers, no semblance of an offense...oh, and did I mention that it was a freaking playoff game???
Suffice it to say, I was not impressed. In fact, I was so unimpressed that I'm pretty sure I could get some run. So if you don't hear from me for a little while, it's because I'm training for my next job: Matt Heitner, professional basketball player.
Maybe employment isn't so bad after all.
There you go. Much better.
Anywho, apparently Heather disagrees with my premise here, because in the last five days she has secured teaching positions at two, count 'em, two different centers for Costa Ricas who can't speak English good and want to do other things good too. The first one is at a local private university (which technically makes her a profesora), and the other is at a language institute that specializes in teaching English. Who knows, maybe she can teach me a thing or two about this so-called English language that I've heard so much about. (Lindsay and Jenn just had the same reaction: "Too little, too late for you, Heitner.")
And because nothing interesting has gone on in my life the past few days, here is an outlandish claim that I can't really back up at all: I'm pretty sure I could play professional basketball down here. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Isn't Matt like 4 feet tall?" (No, jerk, I'm 5-foot-7 and proud of it) and "When was the last time Matt even played basketball?" (OK, you got me on that one--my game's a little rusty). Still. I went to a first-division game down here a few days ago to watch the cream of the crop play, and those guys were terrible. Let me spell it out for you: t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e. Terrible. Air balls, turnovers, no semblance of an offense...oh, and did I mention that it was a freaking playoff game???
Suffice it to say, I was not impressed. In fact, I was so unimpressed that I'm pretty sure I could get some run. So if you don't hear from me for a little while, it's because I'm training for my next job: Matt Heitner, professional basketball player.
Maybe employment isn't so bad after all.
posted by Higgity Heitner at 5:07 PM
5 Comments:
Matt, I would say dont give up your day job. Butt you dont have one. Bahahahbahahahhabahba
Higgity: Look. You NEED, I repeat, NEEEEEEED to try out for a Costa Rican professional team. If you do not, I will punish you unendingly. Plus, if you make it, that means, what, I'd be 1st team all-Costa-Rica.
Yeah.
That's right.
You heard me.
Anyway, do it. You'd probably inherit the coolest nickname you or anyone you've ever known has ever had. Hop to it.
Nuto: Did I tell you that the guy that lives in our house two days a week is a part-time basketball coach who knew like half the crowd at the game we went to? Granted, there were about 30 people in the crowd, but with a little one-on-one instruction, friends in the right places... you never know.
Step 1: Joining a gym (which I did today)
Step 2: Becoming un-fat. That will take significantly longer.
Hey dude, if you're thinking of trying out for that team, I hope you're better at basketball than you are at ping pong!!
Ouch!! HoJo makes an appearance in style. I'll whup you at either one, just like I whupped you last time. No matter what you think, I'll never admit that you beat me that time. Never!
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